…and simple actions you can take to turn them around
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What do you believe? It’s a pretty vague question, isn’t it? I always struggled to find a suitable answer.
I’d come up with things like… “I believe that science has the answers” or “I believe that all people are fundamentally good”.
But then I learned that it goes much deeper; you have beliefs about every aspect of your life. They are pervasive, they define your actions, your relationships, your bank balance… everything!
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So what is a belief?
I got this insight when I was reading Tony Robbins’ book ‘Awaken the Giant Within’: ‘a belief is a feeling of certainty about something, an idea supported by references drawn out of our experience’.
Some beliefs drive people forward to achieve amazing, unbelievable things.
Other beliefs hold people back from even trying stuff out.
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How to identify your beliefs.
Just ask your self ‘what do I believe?’ No. That doesn’t work. First, you’re gonna have to be a bit more specific. Second, you’re gonna have to go a little bit deeper (words) and deeper still (emotions).
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Instead, ask yourself:
‘What do I say in this situation?’
The words you use have a lot of power over you, you use them to justify your actions and you will find evidence to support it.
For example, If you say to yourself “I always make the same mistake”, you will only focus on the times you made the mistake and block out all the times that you didn’t.
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‘How do I feel in this situation?’
Identify the emotion, sit with it for a minute, and you’ll find that it’s driven by a belief. For example, If you ‘feel embarrassed’ because you made a mistake, it’s because you believe that making mistakes is something you ‘shouldn’t’ do.
But we’re not going into a lot of detail about identifying your beliefs right now. In this article I am doing most of the heavy lifting for you.
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We’re going to discuss 6 beliefs that you probably have about yourself and simple actions you can take to turn them around.
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To do this we’re going to have 3 simple steps:
1. Is this actually true or could it be BS? I’ll give you some questions to ask yourself.
2. Is this the only way? I’ll suggest some alternative, more empowering beliefs.
3. Action! I’ll give you an actionable step.
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6 typical beliefs that are probably holding you back:
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1. “I’m not good at that”
When you were born you didn’t have any skills (unless you count crying, shitting yourself and making perfectly normal adults start talking like Teletubbies on acid skills). We learn everything, that goes for all knowledge and skills. I’m not saying that everyone is equal, because they’re not. What i’m saying is that everyone can learn.
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Ask yourself:
Can I think of something that I wasn’t good at in the past but I am now?
How good do I need to be?
How do I know when I’m good enough? What metrics am I using to measure it?
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Try this on for size:
“I’m not good at that yet”
“I’m still learning that”
“I can’t wait until I’m good at that”
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Action:
Choose a situation in your life where you tell yourself you’re not good enough.
Figure out specifically what you want to be able to do.
Make a plan for how you can get that knowledge or skill.
Put it into action today.
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If You Always Do What You’ve Always Done, You’ll Always Get What You’ve Always Got.
Henry Ford
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2. “I don’t have enough time to do that”
These days we have so many demands on our time, so many things that we ‘need to’ do. The truth is that we have options, we can, for the most part, choose how we spend our time. You don’t have to watch another episode, stay later at work, or spend 3 hours reading blog posts 🙂
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Ask yourself:
How many hours are there in a day? Am I spending them all effectively?
Is there any way that I could use my time more effectively?
Are there some things that I’m doing that I could cut to free up some time?
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Try this on for size:
“I have all the time I need”
“I choose how I spend my time”
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Action:
Keep a record of how much time you are spending on certain things, screen time, Netflix, cooking and eating, working, commuting, reading- write all of that shit down over a week or a month if your schedule is more erratic.
Make a plan every day, choose two or three things that you know will make you feel like a superstar if you get them done, prioritise them and plan time in your schedule.
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3. “I could never do that”
Fear of failure is probably the one thing that holds the most people back from making changes in their life.
The sad truth is that failure isn’t real, like Kaiser Souzai, it’s a myth. Failure is just giving up before you’re successful.
Making mistakes and doing things wrong is a natural part of learning, even if it means learning that a particular course of action isn’t for you. How the hell can you know unless you try it?
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Ask yourself:
If this doesn’t work out, can I try something else?
What have I tried in the past? Was I successful? What did that teach me?
How would it feel to know that I didn’t even try?
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Try this on for size:
“I could totally do that”
“I can do anything I want to do”
“I make the decisions in my life”
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Action:
Pick something, it doesn’t have to be massive, but it should be something you always wanted to do but told yourself you couldn’t.
Got it?
Now do it! It’s that simple.
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4. “That’s too expensive”
We have so many beliefs about money; ‘I love money’, ‘I hate money’, ‘money is the root of all evil’, ‘mo money, mo problems’. Money is your best friend and your worst enemy, changing your beliefs about money is one of the most empowering things you can do in our society.
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Ask yourself:
How much do I want this?
If it was really important to me, could I find the money?
What’s the most expensive thing I ever bought? Was it worth it? How did I feel before and after buying it? How do I feel about it now?
Are there expenses I could cut to get me there faster?
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Try this on for size:
“I can afford that if I really want to”
“It’s a fair price, it’s worth the price”
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Action:
Instead of thinking about what you can’t afford at the moment, decide what you want to buy, then find out how you can get the money to buy it.
Now you have a goal to work towards, you will be motivated to put money aside because you know what it is going to buy you.
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Never say you cannot afford something. That is a poor man’s attitude. Ask HOW to afford it.
Robert Kyiosaki
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5. “I am my job”
We define ourselves by our careers, ask anyone to talk about themselves and they will say “I’m a teacher” or “I work in marketing” or…well you get the idea.
You are not your job, your job is one of the many roles that you fill.
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Ask yourself:
Who am I when i’m with my kids?
Who am I when I’m singing to cheesy rock songs in my car?
If I’d studied something else or made some different decisions wouldn’t I be the same person?
Who would I be if I lost my job?
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Try this on for size:
“I am whoever I choose to be”
“My job is what I’m doing at the moment to earn money”
“When I’m not working, I’m still the same person”
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Action:
Next time you’re in a situation where you have to introduce yourself, think of ways that you identify other than your job.
Talk about your family, your hobbies, your favourite pizza toppings, whatever is important to you.
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6. “I can’t be a role model”
This last on is a beauty. If this is spinning around in your head, then you’re probably telling yourself that you made a lot of bad decisions, you’re ashamed of yourself, you lack confidence and don’t stand up for yourself or some other self-deprecating story.
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Ask yourself:
Have I only made bad decisions?
Have I never stood up for myself?
Have I learned lessons in my life that I could pass on?
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Try this on for size:
“I know what I know because I have life experience”
“I have knowledge that I can pass on”
“I am the kind of person that I want to be”
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Action:
Open up a note pad and make a list like this:
- I am good at…
- Good decisions I have made…
- Lessons I have learned in my life…
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Your fulfilment begins and ends with the stories you tell yourself. If you identify that the stories you are telling yourself are holding you back in any way, have the strength to let the go.
If you want to make a change in your life, make that change.
If you want to be a certain way, be that person.
I hope you found something useful in this article. These techniques can be used for reframing beliefs about anything.
Please let me know in the comments if you did find this helpful or if you have any other ways of reframing these unhelpful beliefs.
